Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Let's Go Back....

Let me back track and document on my or I should say " our" journey to the land of parenthood. My partner (who I will call "J") and I have been together for about 15 years. Jesus! that's a decade in a half. It actually doesn't seem that long. Which may be a good thing or an indication of my memory.

Anyways, we've been talking 'bout having kids thru adoption but work, school, renovations ..just plain life ..just kept butting in. We definitely had reminders from friends " I thought you guys would have a couple of kids by now!" " when are you guys adopting?". Also in our neighborhood, there were a handful of gay couples who were having kids. I admit that seeing the other gay couples with kids gave me twinges of envy. I thought to myself " that was fast!" or "those kids are practically in high school!". I liked the idea of children but was I ready to commit to it. Am I ready to drop extra-curricular activites..like going out to the movies, playing tennis, shopping..Because its different for us..meaning gay couples. Right??!!

With gay couples.....Besides domestic adoptions, there's domestic surrogacy and international surrogacy, if you want to go for the discount route.

So, we actually sent for the adoption application last year and it kind of sat in our dining table buried deep among papers, magazines, bills, solicitations, etc. We started filling it out and like most people who have filled out these applications ..they are LONG! Autobiographical statements, CORI checks, FBI checks, physicals,reference letters..... it's quite exhausting.

However, we sat on the adoption application because we were buying a house which also took up alot of time, attention and money.

As this year was flying by...I started feeling anxious, My GOD we're in our fourties..if we wait any longer, we'll look like Grandparents! Who the hell would pick grandpa and grandma as adoptive parents.

So around mid-summer, we contacted our agency to let them know that we would be sending our application. However, the agency owner said that they has too many families waiting and there was a waiting list!

I was so disappointed when I heard this...I felt like our clocks were ticking. We're not getting any younger, we have to act now! I didn't want to be on a waiting list , I wondered how long would that take?

Then I started researching surrogacy. Domestic surrogacy seemed outrageously expensive...what about international surrogacy?!

The Wall Street Journal had a great article about surrogacy in India and how clinics there were receptive to gay couples.

Soon I had visions of flying to India picking up our baby. There were pros and cons. The pros were cost, about a third of the cost of domestic surrogacy. One could pick the donor egg (usually from India) and one of us would provide the sperm..freeze dry it then ship it to India. The cons were ..spending about a month in India , dealing with the government red tape in bringing the child home. I read numerous blogs of parents documenting their experience about international surrogacy. We can do this !

However, my partner, J, had reservations. He had concerns of traveling to India, or another country, dealing with their laws/ regulations regarding surrogacy. So he called our agency again, and somehow, the agency realized that we were open to a bi-racial baby. To be honest, most couples involved in our agency are white couples. Judging from the pictures on adopted children, most are white, and a few are bi-racial. Naturally, since we are a bi-racial couple, I always thought our kids would be mixed race. Probably most of the couples with our agency are interested in kids that looked somewhat like them. So with that piece of news, the agency accepted our application.

SO here's the timeline.

Mid August- Sent in our application

Mid September- Homestudy begins

Oct 15th- Homestudy completed!

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